January 24, 2012

Piles of laundry

A friend of mine is a fellow autoimmune problem child; a different autoimmune issue, but autoimmune, nonetheless. And she made the comment the other day that she's come to terms with having the disease, but not with the total lack kof energy that it causes.
And that hit home for me.

I have arthritis. I have days that are painful. There are things that hurt a lot to even think about doing. Waking up in the morning is tough. And lately, I've been having feet pain again, which makes even walking difficult. All that I can grasp. All that I can come to terms with.

But the inability to keep going when everyone around me seems to be able to; the total lack of ability to exert myself, that's where I just can't wrap my brain around. Each morning, before I open my eyes, I think about what my day is going to look like. I assess how many things I need to get done, how much energy each is going to take, and prioritize how many of them I can get done and in which order. Which sometimes means the laundry will sit for 3 days until I can get to it. I tend to have more energy in the morning, before it's been wasted on stupid stuff, so if I need something done, have to get it done immediately. Sometimes I get irate when my family doesn't get on my schedule. Of course, because I'm impatient, but also oftentimes, if I'm honest with myself, it's because what I really want to scream is, "I won't have the energy to keep going later, so move your asses now!"

I've always known my energy level is low, but until my friend made that comment, it hadn't occurred to me what that meant for me emotionally and mentally. It was a good aha moment, and something I need to ponder for a bit to figure out how to deal with it better than I have been.

1 comment:

SarahinSC said...

So true, so true!