June 30, 2016
I have less than a day left of work, and it's on to the long weekend. Ohmygosh, I'm so excited. It's going to be all about the sunshine, baseball, park walks, Mojitos with some Cuban rum, a lit fire, a good book, and a get together with good friends. I'm planning on getting the house cleaned first thing so I don't have to think about it again all weekend long. I cannot wait. These are the days of summer I wait all year long to get back to. It's going to be spectacular.
at 12:13 PM
June 28, 2016
Since I got all those shots in my lower back, I've been able to take advantage of living with less pain, and do some things. And it's been just the little things - like sitting and watching the birds, or reading a book. It's been taking a walk around the neighborhood. It's been cleaning out space in the basement for C-man's 'cave'. But it's all those little things that did nothing but cause pain before, that add up to a lot. The peace of mind and ability to focus are both things have been incredible. Being almost comfortable in my own body is something I haven't felt in so long, I had forgotten that every second of every day isn't difficult for everyone else.
Because chronic pain is real. So, so real. And not just the pain itself, but the prison it creates. It's like living in a world where someone is always screaming in your ear, but you're the only one able to hear it. And then somehow, you're supposed to go about your days, acting like it isn't there. You're supposed to not flinch when you hear it. You're supposed to just sit still and listen and focus, lest you be accused of being disengaged. You're supposed to just be 'normal' like everyone else, when in reality, nothing could be further from the truth.
I am not living pain-free right now. Far from it. But the fact that I've gotten some relief has given me such a better perspective on this past year and how bad the pain had really gotten. So many give in to the pain and choose other less helpful paths. I understand it. I really do. But for now, I'm just thankful to have a piece of a respite.
at 1:31 PM
June 24, 2016
- We are down a Chromus in the fish tank. Mr Pickles is suspect #1, but so far is mum.
- I rode a bike around work today in the sun in between meetings. That made me very happy.
- I'm hoping to get some hosta planting and book reading done this weekend.
- C-man's cast is so loose, he can take it off. We're going to get him a new one on Monday.
- That means he'll have this next one for 2 weeks. Gosh, it's been nice to have him get new casts throughout this process. It's so much cleaner and not so smelly.
- THIS instagram feed makes me smile. Hard.
- Stupid Brits. Honestly.
- I'm really looking forward to my Friday night G&T. (smacking lips)
at 1:35 PM
June 21, 2016
It's been almost a week since I got those dreaded injections into my lower back, and I'm stunned. Stunned because I'm actually starting to feel better. The pain is not entirely gone, but it's so, so much better. And the relief I feel isn't just in pain, but in the overall anguish. Sitting, moving, doing anything really, isn't something I need to consciously think about. I still do, of course, because it's such a long-held habit. But I don't HAVE to, because it isn't going to cause me deep pain.
The impact it has had on me has been incredible. Not only am I not planning every second of my movement across the course of a day, I'm not worrying about how much energy I'll need to conserve for later on. I'm able to sleep for actual stretches of time and don't feel like a half-drowned cat when I wake up. Breathing doesn't hurt. And I feel like I want to smile - something I haven't felt like doing without forcing it for so long. It's incredible.
I don't know what the future holds. I know I can't continue to have injections the rest of my life. But I do know that this, at least, is a temporary relief. And it also means it is the real problem for my back pain, which helps guide future treatment options. And that, is a true relief.
at 2:48 PM
June 17, 2016
- I feel a bit better today. Still really achy, but not in that I'm-going-to-barf-any-second kind of way. That's an improvement.
- It's C-man's last day of video game development camp. He has really enjoyed his time there, but is looking forward to getting to his 'regular' summer camp next week.
- The weekend is supposed to be beautiful, weather-wise. My house is a pit, so I'm hoping to rip through that quickly tonight and spend the rest of the weekend enjoying being outside.
- With a gin and tonic. Man, I've started to really like those.
- Happy Friday to you.
at 1:46 PM
June 16, 2016
What a miserable couple of days. Yesterday, I went in for my steroid injections into my SI joints. 2 shots and about 10-15 minutes they said. Right. 8 injections, almost two hours, and a lot of bruises later... It was painful then, and it just aches now. I think I've been so tense, sitting through meetings, that my head really hurts too. I really need to go home. Except I won't. I'm off to a baseball game that my kid isn't even playing on. Sigh.
Speaking of my kid, he got re-casted yesterday. The swelling in his hand went down, so they gave him a brand new pink cast. And then one of the idiots on the baseball team wrote marijuana on it. We turned that into a row of flowers. C-man was annoyed with the kid.
So here's to tomorrow being better.
at 3:29 PM